Beating the Distance

(This piece is also published on Medium)


I have no idea why people keep asking me for an “advice” on how to be in a long distance relationship. I may have been in long distance relationship numerous times (Some of ‘em were for years, heck, even now I’m currently *in* one), but if I’m being honest, even until now I’m still pretty much clueless about the whole damn thing. All I know is that long distance relationship sucks.

It sucks, a lot.

You’re constantly getting your heart broken by your own relationship, of course it sucks. You’re constantly in a state of weariness and loneliness for not being around the only person you wanted to be around, of course it sucks. You’re constantly battling with financial problems in order to pay your phone bills, to send surprise letters and packages, to pay the ticket to fly half a country or even to another continent, of course it sucks. You’re constantly fooling and tricking yourself to be excited about mundane routines and conversations, of course it sucks. You’re dealing with miscommunication and fuck ups and disappointments and insecurities and trust issues on daily basis, so of course,

it sucks.

It sucks when instead of a body and kisses, your Saturday night’s companion is nothing but words and often empty promises. It sucks to know there will never be enough words spoken on phone calls or written in text messages that can express how much you miss and love a person. It sucks every time a big argument ends not with a hug or make up sex, but with a long sigh and dead silence on the other side of the line.

It sucks.

But honestly, it’s not so bad every time the ringing tone turns into a voice; to a familiar “hello” that never fails to make your heart flutter, no matter how many times you hear it already. It’s not so bad to know the sound of someone’s breath, even from far away, can comfort you from any noises nearby. It’s not so bad knowing you’re always in someone’s thoughts when s/he wakes up in the morning and when s/he drifts off late at night.

It’s quite a challenge to keep the conversations exciting. You never stop looking around for things to talk about, even the trivial ones that s/he might finds it cool or funny. You always try to open up, be honest, and share about yourself more. You cannot wait to hear all the teeny tiny details about their day and telling them all the teeny tiny details about yours. And again, it’s not so bad knowing they share the same excitement about you too.

Whether you’re away or when you’re together, you never take things for granted because every hour, minute, even second, counts. Every word you say, significant or not, matters. You learn to appreciate, to notice every effort and gesture, no matter how little it is. You learn to pick your fight and to let go. It’s not so bad knowing that even though the relationship lies in the details, but sweating the small stuffs never seem like an option.

In the end, you realize it is impossible to beat the distance, but it doesn’t matter because you know the fight is for someone that’s actually worth all of the dedication and effort. It actually feels amazing to know that you can fall in love not solely because series of meetings, but through an awful lot of late night conversations. Though the distance inevitably breaks your heart every single day, you will always find a way to bounce back. Because you know the relationship is worth the damn fight, that s/he will always worth the heartbreaks.

So yeah, it sucks, but it’s not bad.

It’s not bad at all.