Surprise, surprise.. I got you something. A big one.

Have you ever holding back tears until you want to throw up because you just can't stand it anymore?

I don't really know what to write now.
I'm in pain, but there's no point of telling anyone about it because none of them would understand.
You might not believe this, but sometimes, untold feelings could led you to suffocation. Well, it works like that on my world. Truths keep choking me hard and I can do nothing besides holding back the pain, as if nothing wrong.

I don't know if you ever going to read this, but I am sorry. Really sorry.
You know the reason why I did this? It's because I want you to hate me. It's easier for me to let you go like that, instead of saying goodbye nicely and getting the chance to see your back (which I really love) that would make everything harder. I'd rather stay this way. Knowing that you don't want to see me nor talking to me. It's hurting me but there are things called consequences. I got my karma.

Because I want you to be happy. It will be different if I stay.
I will be the only person whose going to hold you back from pursuing your dreams.
I will be the only person hurting you with my endless selfishness.
I will be the only person that you're going to hate in the end, so why wasting time?

Tom: What happened? Why - why didn't they work out?
Summer: What always happens. Life.

I think life got us.

In the end, I could only sum up this with 3 simple word. I. (still) Don't. Know.
Okay, so that's 4.
I still don't really know whether should I be sad or pleased about this.
I still don't really know if I have the guts to tell you all of this things.
I still don't really know if I should tell you this things.

Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. At least on this case, it is.

Tom: I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it.

It's you.